Saying Goodbye

I awoke on Sunday morning with an incongruous combination of euphoria and dread. I had never felt love like this before but the fantasy weekend was coming to an end. Mike was leaving at 3:00 that afternoon.

I sing in my church choir so we got ready and went to church. After returning home, we only had time for Mike to pack and we had to head for the airport. I sat with him as he put his things in his suitcase. I was determined to keep it light so I talked to him about my chorus and the fact that we were going to Las Vegas the following October to compete in the Sweet Adeline's International competition. He surprised me by saying he wanted to go with me. I said,"Are you serious? That's nearly a year away."

"I love Vegas," he responded. "I think it would be fun. Count me in."

OK, call me crazy, but I took this as his way of telling me he was interested in pursuing a relationship. My heart fluttered. But again, the long distance thing reared its ugly head. What was I thinking? And anyway, he hadn't said those three little words. Did that really matter? The feelings were there. At least they were for me and if my woman's intuition was on target, they were there for Mike as well. During one of our many discussions that weekend, Mike revealed that he had had a huge crush on me in high school but that he was too shy to say anything. I found it difficult to believe and I told him so, but he was insistent. Could it be that Mike's shyness and my proper 70's training had prevented us from getting together 30 years ago? Would we let it happen again?

As we drove to the airport, I repeatedly curled Mike's hair around my finger with one hand and held his hand with the other. I was going to miss this. I had quickly become accustomed to feeling Mike's hand wrapped around mine and I didn't want to ever let go. The panic in me rose with each passing mile. I asked Mike to consider staying and he laughed and said he wished he could.

"Why did you have to book such an early flight?" I asked with a girlish pout.

Mike's smile was sheepish as he said, "Honestly, I was a little afraid of how things would go. I didn't want to overstay my welcome in case it wasn't going well. I had no idea how amazing it would be. This entire weekend has been magical."

I waited expectantly for him to continue. Say it, say it, say it. Time is running out. But he didn't say anything more.

We were rounding the bend in the freeway just prior to the airport entrance. I couldn't stand it another minute. At this point, what did I have to lose. One of the best things about middle age is the willingness to take risks that may have seemed unthinkable 20 years earlier. I took the plunge.

"Mike," I began, "we have been dancing around this issue the entire weekend and now you're leaving. Countless times I have stopped myself from saying it, but here goes. I've fallen in love with you."

"Oh thank God! I wasn't sure if you were feeling the same things I was. I love you too."

Our first declaration of love took place just outside of the toll gate to the Dallas airport. How appropriate since we would traverse this territory over and over again.

We got to the baggage check-in and I was about to lose it when I heard Pam's words play in my head. "Whatever you do, don't cry when he leaves. Men hate that. Keep it light."

We hugged, we kissed, I smiled. Inside, I felt like I was dying. Mike promised to come back soon as I got back into my car. I couldn't bring myself to drive away while he was still in sight so I watched him as he walked through the glass doors. By this time the tears were streaming down my face. Just then, Mike turned to look at me. He pressed his lips against the glass in one final kiss. He got on the escalator and was gone.