Social Networking

Mike left on Tuesday and I'm struggling with the separation... again. I had hoped things would get easier as I got used to the distance. After all, we've been doing this for nearly 3 years. In some ways they have gotten a little better. For instance, I've learned not to start crying the day before the visit ends. Rather, I try to enjoy every precious moment and save my tears for the hug goodbye at the airport.

On the other hand, it's harder for me to get back to my "normal" routine after a visit. I find myself questioning why we can't just be in the same place... together... for the rest of our days. Of course, the answers are still the same and the same frustrations rush over me like a giant wave and I feel like I'm drowning in sadness. It will be more than a year at least before we can consider moves.

I'm always looking for new ways to cope with the anxiety. Along those lines, I discovered a new social network called Ning and I decided to create a network for long distance relationships. It can be found at longdistancelove.ning.com. Hop on over and check it out. Join in and share with others who are dealing with the same issues as you. Sign up is free!

The Best Birthday Cake Ever

It's been very busy at my house ever since Mike got here which is why I haven't written for a few days. In my last post I was describing my traumatic visit to the jewelry store where I had to leave my engagement ring to have a missing diamond replaced. I'm happy to announce that true to their word, it was ready for me on Friday. It was very fortunate because Mike was here and was able to put it back on my finger as always.

We have had such an amazing time together. Last post I also hinted that I had a big event approaching. Well, I had a momentous birthday on Saturday. I must sound like a drama queen but this particularly birthday was kind of difficult for me - not so much because of the age, but more because I didn't expect my life to be where it is at this point. But I'm trying to focus on all the positives in my life and Mike is one of the biggest positives anyone could imagine.

He has been so incredibly sweet to me. As one of my birthday gifts, he made me a coconut cake from scratch. I LOVE coconut cake and haven't had one for longer than I can recall. It was the first scratch cake Mike had ever made and the first time a man had made a cake for me so I consider that rather significant. It is yet one more demonstration of the incredible, fairy tale love Mike and I share.

I can't begin to describe how sad I will be tomorrow when I have to take him to the airport. It seems to be getting harder to say goodbye.

A Ring Is Just A Ring - Or Is It?

So yesterday's trip to the jewelry store was more traumatic than I anticipated. It turned out when I got there that the guy I needed to see was on a conference call that was scheduled to last for another hour and a half. I couldn't wait that long so the woman helping me suggested I give her the ring and she would take it back for him to look at it. Of course, I politely refused. I wasn't taking off my ring unless it was absolutely necessary.

Jason, came out from his call, and although he tried valiantly to hide his irritation, I sensed it nonetheless. Who can blame him? I must have seemed like a truly emotional nutcase - it's just a ring after all!

As corny as this sounds, it's not just a ring to me. Mike and I had a discussion along these lines several months ago when a friend of his was offered three times the price he had paid for an engagement ring he bought through an online auction. Mike asked if I would sell my ring if someone offered me three times the amount he had paid. I said, "No way!" Playing devil's advocate he said it was just a ring that could be replaced. I quickly informed him that, indeed, it was just ring, a simple piece of jewelry... when it was in the case at the store. Once he bought it and put in on my finger - and yes, he got down on one knee - it became a symbol of our love and commitment. I can be such a romantic sometimes.

The day Mike proposed I vowed I would never take that ring off unless he was around to put it back on my finger. That may seem excessive to some people, but it has a lot of meaning for us and our long-distance relationship. It's something special that symbolizes our trust and commitment to each other despite the miles between us.

So, there I was at the jewelry store, sans Mike and I had to take off my ring. As I said, it was harder than I expected and I started to cry. Jason had gone back to his call and fortunately, I was in the hands of a woman who was very sympathetic and understanding. When I left the store, I couldn't believe how sullen I felt. My shoulders were slumped, my eyes were downcast, and I kept rubbing my naked finger. I called Mike and desperately kept swallowing the lump in my throat and blinking back the tears that were stinging my eyes.

I won't know until Friday how long it will take to fix my ring (see yesterday's post, 9/15) but I'm hoping to have it back in time for my big event on Saturday. I'll tell you about that next time!

A Missing Diamond

I had something happen yesterday that I would like to describe as a personal crisis but I really need to keep it in perspective. Especially in light of all the recent disasters that have affected so many people. But I'm sure you engaged women will be able to relate to my upsetting situation.

I have an absolutely gorgeous engagement ring. One of my little "things" is that I won't take my ring off unless Mike is around to put it back on my finger. Whenever we're together, we take it in to get it cleaned. It's insured so it also gets inspected every six months - when Mike is in town. I have developed the habit of checking it myself every day (often more than once) - mostly because I love it and it gives me a moment each day to relive the day my sweet love asked me to marry him, but also to make sure it is all intact.

Well, yesterday I went out to run some errands. I was stopped at a red light and looked at my ring and about freaked out... there was a diamond missing! I couldn't believe it. I looked again more closely and sure enough, one of the smaller diamonds on the band was gone. I was sick. I immediately called Mike.

He's such a sweetie, he called the jewelry store and called me back with the news. There are 2 scenarios neither of which I'm looking forward to because I will be without my ring no matter what. But one is definitely preferable to the other. Depending on what they find out when they actually see the ring, it will be off of my finger for anywhere from 3 days to 8 weeks! My stomach hurts just writing about it. I really can't imagine going 8 weeks with a naked finger.

Anyway, I won't know until tomorrow afternoon so I'll post after I find out the verdict. Of course I'm hoping for the 3 days. I think I can handle that, and Mike will be here to put it back on my finger.

When Stress Creeps In

I was hit in the head this past weekend. Don't worry, I'm talking figuratively here, not literally. I was reminded of something that you wouldn't think I'd forget... Remember to have fun!

Sounds kind of silly, doesn't it? The thing is, we all experience stress in our lives. Some days, or even extended periods of time can be more stressful than others. Recently, Mike and I have been a little caught up in our own personal stresses - mostly from work and getting our kids off to college. We tend to forget how stress creeps under our skin and affects our overall personality. We were talking every day as usual but the conversations were leaving me feeling as if something were missing. I began to question the direction of our relationship and if we were still connecting to each other as we had before.

Fortunately, Friday night we had a light-hearted, conversation full of joking and laughter. It was so delightful that I thanked Mike for how much fun I had.

So what's my point? Those of us in LDRs know how important it is to stay connected with our far-away love by sharing our days, good and bad, via phone conversations. However, without the warmth of a comforting embrace to ease away the stress of the day we need to work extra hard at letting go and allowing ourselves to be joyful, especially during our precious phone time. On a regular basis, we need to make a concerted effort to lock our stress in another room and just have fun with each other!

My eBook Is Nearly Done

Well, folks, I'm taking the plunge. I've been writing an eBook titled, "How to Make a Long-Distance Relationship Work" and it's almost ready for publication. I say almost because I'm a bit of a perfectionist and I keep editing it despite the experts advice that I just get it out there and begin working on a second book. I'm fairly certain that it will hit the Internet this week though. If you'd like to know when it is available, here are some options:

• Sign up in the left-hand column of this blog
• Visit www.alongdistancelove.com and sign up there (added bonus - you will receive my free report "7 Tips for Embracing the Positives of a Long-Distance Relationship")
• Send me an email at ann@alongdistancelove.com
• Follow me on Twitter at http://twitter.com/annccook (I have to confess that I don't keep this updated as often as I'd like but I'll definitely post when the eBook is published)

Even if you're not ready to purchase the eBook, please visit the website and take advantage of the free report. Also, I'd love to hear from you about your personal LDR experiences. I'm gathering information for my next book and your story could be included.

Those Great Big Beautiful Eyes

It's funny how little things can have a profound impact on us. Of course, thoughts of Mike are as much a part of me as my arms and legs. But once in a while, I am struck, even overwhelmed with missing him, by some seemingly insignificant trigger. Let me tell you what happened this morning.

I do a LOT of technical reading and am constantly trying to learn about and keep up with my industry. To temper this flood of geekdom, I enjoy reading fiction and more often than not, mysteries. I was indulging myself in that particular guilty pleasure this morning when I read a line that made me miss Mike so intensely my heart ached.

You'll laugh when you read the line that brought tears to my eyes. "He had a receding hairline, sad china-blue eyes heavily wrinkled at the corners and a trim grey moustache." You'd be especially puzzled if you knew Mike, who has an incredible head of beautiful blond hair (so incredible, that people remark about it all the time), the happiest, smiling eyes you'd ever want to see, no wrinkles around his eyes or otherwise, and no moustache. So what was it that had such an impact on me? Three little words... china-blue eyes!

When Mike and I are together, I spend vast amounts of time just staring into his amazing eyes. It's indescribable how I feel when I am lost in them but I can tell you that they never fail to melt my heart. So just seeing those words on the page made my own eyes misty.

It's times like that that make long-distance relationships such a challenge. Unfortunately, I won't be gazing into those china-blues for another week and 5 days. I'll have to settle for the two-dimensional version that sits in a frame at my bedside.

Live And Let Live

I had a discussion with Mike this morning. I had a hard time articulating what was swirling around in my head but I was upset and needed to get it out. Don't get me wrong, I was not upset with Mike or anything about our relationship. In fact, it's the way Mike and I relate to each other that gives me hope that people really can learn to get along. As you can see, I'm still having trouble articulating so let me try this again.

Here's the deal (and this is NOT a new bit of insight) - there are two (or more) sides to every story.

Here's the question - can people learn to listen to the other person's side without taking it personally?

Now that I think about it, I believe this is a topic for an article, so as soon as I can get my thoughts together in a more coherent manner, I'm going to write one. I'm just too clouded by emotion right now.

Meanwhile, please permit me to take a personal moment to say thanks to Mike. We have definitely found a formula that works. While we share a great many views on life, as with any relationship, there are things in which we don't agree. What we do so well, is accept the validity of each other's opinions and feelings. When we disagree on something, we don't take it personally. Kind of like the 60's slogan, "Live and let live."

Monthiversary

Today Mike and I celebrate 34 months of glorious love, despite the 900 miles that separate us. This may seem silly to some folks, considering how "mature" Mike and I are, (and by mature I mean old) but it works for us and it's one of the many things we do to acknowledge our love and keep it strong. We used to call it a "fill-in-the-blank" month anniversary until my son pointed out that, by definition, it could not be an anniversary. So we changed it to a monthiversary. Like I said, the corniness works for us.

All too often, relationships begin to get stale. It's so common that the phrase, "the honeymoon's over," is tossed about with light-hearted smiles. Even though the honeymoon may be over and both partners are no longer on their best behavior, it's still possible to keep the love alive and fresh. This is particularly important in a long-distance relationship where there is always the risk of out-of-sight-out-of-mind. I'm not saying you need to be as corny as Mike and I, but find what works for you and your partner and make the effort.

Meanwhile, I'm counting down the two weeks until Mike's next visit.

Another Summer Ends

I can't believe another summer has slipped away. If I haven't mentioned this before, summer is my favorite time of year. I love it for so many reasons. When my kid's were young and I was a stay-at-home mom, it was the time of fun and leisure. Washing uniforms, packing lunches, and rushing to practices and activities was replaced by fun days at the park and trips to the library for summer reading. Every summer we would travel to Florida for adventures with the grandparents and sunny days on the beach. For my taste, summer just can't be beat. Even though my kids are grown, I still love the summer and I'm always sad to see it end.

You may be wondering what this has to do with a long-distance relationship and the answer is - nothing really. It just has to do with where my head is right now as the calendar ushers in another Fall.

My personal challenge now is to change gears and appreciate all the positive things the Fall has to offer. Football season leaps to mind. In fact, today, Mike is attending the draft for his Fantasy Football team. I really wish I could be there with him but it's not to be. I'm hoping to go to Denver some time this season to help him host a Monday night game though. I'll keep you posted on that.

Enjoy your holiday today. Until next time!