Long Distance Relationships

Certainly long distance relationships are not age specific but a large number of these couples are in college. Both my son and my daughter have experience with LDRs.

I read this article today and was impressed with the wisdom and maturity of the sentiments.

Young couples experience challenges in relationships - Life/styles: "Long distance relationships can add extra hardships to the commitments that couples make. Mary Mongarella, a junior at Quinnipiac, has been with her boyfriend for several years and has experienced these obstacles.

'I think that when you're away from each other, it definitely puts a strain on your relationship at the beginning [when you first go away,] but then you become even closer because you realize how strong your relationship is,' she said."

I very much agree with this young woman's assessment. My LDR is fast approaching the 3-year mark and although there are still tears with every separation, in many ways it's easier now than it was in the beginning. As well as realizing how strong our relationship is, it's easier to accept the times we are apart because of how magnificent our times together are.

So for anyone wondering if a long distance relationship can work, the answer is a definite yes!

Nights in Rodanthe

I'm back from Denver and although I have a very busy week ahead of me, I'm still struggling with being away from Mike again.

Typically, we don't go to movies when we're together. To some extent it feels like a waste of our very precious "in-person" time. In fact, we have only been to 2 movies in nearly 3 years. That's not to say we don't watch movies. We just prefer to rent them and watch from home where we can be snuggled up together and chat if we want, pause if we want, you know... all the stuff that makes DVD technology so great.

Well, for our third anniversary (I can't believe we've been doing this for 3 years!) my sweet Mike has rented us a condo in Destin, Florida for an entire week (more on this later). How glorious is that! So anyway, I was in the mood for a romantic chick flick with a beach setting and Nights in Rodanthe seemed to fit the bill. I had no idea at the time that it involved a long-distance relationship. I don't want to give away the plot but suffice it to say that although I enjoyed the beach scenery, the movie was disheartening and tugs particularly hard at the heartstrings of those of us in LDRs.

I'm not suggesting you don't see it, I'm just telling you to be prepared and don't allow your emotions to be over-whelmed with "what-ifs".

Warm Hands, Warm Heart

I read a very interesting article this morning regarding how temperature affects our behavior and our attitude toward others - Hot cuppa makes you feel good about others.

It started with this intriguing first line:

Our judgement of someone's character can be influenced by something as simple as the temperature of a drink held in our hands, say US researchers.

It went on to describe how people assessed others after holding something warm or holding something cold.

The participants assessed the person as significantly "warmer" if they had previously held the warm cup of coffee rather than the iced cup of coffee.

It went on:

In a second study, participants held heated or frozen therapeutic packs as part of a product evaluation study and then were told they could receive a gift certificate for a friend or a gift for themselves.

Those who held the hot pack were more likely to ask for the gift certificate, while those who held the frozen pack tended to keep the gift for themselves.

"It appears that the effect of physical temperature is not just on how we see others, it affects our own behaviour as well," says Bargh.

"Physical warmth can make us see others as warmer people, but also cause us to be warmer - more generous and trusting - as well."

So what does all this have to do with long-distance relationships? Well, as we are painfully aware, we don't often get to share a warm embrace with our long-distance love. A great deal of our relationship takes place over the phone where it's impossible to see things like body language and facial expressions. This can sometimes lead to misunderstandings, especially when we may be stressed or tired.

Here's my personal plan, and dare I say recommendation for you to try as well. I'll make sure I have a warm drink in hand whenever there's the slightest chance that Mike and I will have a stressful conversation. And if a regular conversation takes an unexpected and relationship-endangering turn, I'll make a fast cup of tea in the microwave. That way, I'll be able to give Mike the benefit of the doubt and I'll be more loving in my words as well.

So why did it take researchers so long to figure out what my grandma used to say to me when I was a kid - "warm hands, warm heart"!

Playing House in Denver

I can't believe how long it's been since I've written a post. I am just way too busy right now. So this is just to let everyone know that I haven't fallen off the face of the earth. Actually, I'm in Denver with my sweetie.

I came out to help Mike host his annual Fantasy Football League Monday Night Game. Denver played the Patriots (or should I say, got creamed by the Patriots). I made meatball sandwiches, baked rotini, pumpkin pie cake and mini cheesecakes. Despite the horrible game (for the Denver fans), the food was a big hit and it was fun "playing house" with Mike. What made it extra special was my son came out, too. He had never been to Mike's house and it was good for him to see where his mom lives the other half of her life.

This is kind of a long visit for me. I arrived last Friday and will be staying until Saturday or Sunday. I'd stay longer but I have obligations in Dallas that require my return. Happily, I will only be home a week before I leave for our anniversary trip to Destin, Florida. Three years! Unbelievable! I never thought I could do this LDR thing this long. But when you're in love...

Request For Poems and Quotes

I'm on a quest seeking poems and quotes relating to long-distance relationships. If you have something to submit, please send me an email: ann@alongdistancelove.com.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Is Cursive Dying?

This may seem like a rather odd topic for a blog on long-distance relationships but keep reading and the logic will make sense.

Yesterday, one of my friends told me she was having a discussion with some parents about education. She was shocked when these parents revealed that their children were no longer being taught to write in cursive. Granted this is second-hand information but it got me thinking. After getting over my own shock, I was saddened for two reasons.

The most obvious concern is that the ability to transmit information with paper and pen will decrease with the passing years. Not to mention, are we forgetting the little thrill we all get when there is something in our mailbox besides bills and junk mail? What will become of the gentility of a thank you note? Perhaps everyone will use print as opposed to cursive when writing by hand, but it will certainly be less elegant.

Setting aside the deteriorating ability to write, what will become of future generations' ability to read letters of historic value and interest? Will the love letters of the past, so carefully and lovingly crafted by hand, be converted into digital text to be read on a computer screen? Or worse, will they be lost forever, relegated to a forgotten storage room because few people can actually read them anyway?

One of the sweetest, most romantic things we can do for our long-distance sweetheart, is sit down and take the time to write a love letter by hand. There's something beyond definition that occurs when you write down your feelings by hand. Your entire body participates - your brain, your heart and your hand - strengthening your feelings and your bond to your faraway love. That same undefinable bond traverses the miles and fills your beloved with feelings of love and closeness when he or she reads your heartfelt words. It is such a wonderful way to stay connected despite the distance and I think it is so sad that it may slip away from us.

Now, having said all that, I have a confession. I was writing thank you notes for the gifts I received for my recent birthday and I was ashamed at how much trouble I had. Not with the expressions of gratitude, but with my ability to write legibly and without errors. I need to make an effort to write on a more regular basis. And what better way than to write to my dear Mike and let him know what he means to me. Won't you join me? Send a love letter to your sweetie today!

My eBook is Online

I know I haven't posted for awhile but I have a VERY good reason. I have been working diligently on the final edits of my eBook, "How to Make a Long-Distance Relationship Work". Long days and sleepless nights have gone into this project so I am thrilled to announce that the eagerly-awaited book is finally done and is online at www.alongdistancelove.com. Please take a minute to check it out.

I have learned so much while writing this. First their were the technical aspects of publishing an eBook. But more importantly, writing it gave me the opportunity to really think about my long-distance relationship - all the wonderful and positive things, and the unique challenges we all face when we participate in LDRs.

One of the really great things about pursuing this topic to build a business upon is that it reminds me how fortunate I am to have such a wonderful man in my life, despite the fact that he is usually 900 miles away. Focusing on how we are able to make our LDR work gives me inspiration to teach others to have the same kind of happy and fulfilling relationship that Mike and I share. And lastly, it keeps me very busy and helps the days pass quickly between visits.

Speaking of that, I will be going to Denver two weeks from today. Today is also a milestone in that it is our 35th monthiversary.

Mike has made special plans for our third anniversary next month so come back to get more details. It may give you some ideas on what you can do to add more romance to your LDR.