Share Your Stories

I'm going to take a break from my story today to do something a little different. I'd like to invite everyone to share with me and the other readers, their own stories of their long distance relationships. I'd like to start posting other stories and ideas on how to maintain and cope with LDRs. My goal is have this be a comprehensive resource for the over 10,000,000 couples (that's right, 10,000,000) who live in this crazy LDR world.

I've found that writing our story has had some unexpected benefits as well. It makes me feel closer to Mike, I get to relive all the incredible moments and experience the same emotions I did when they first occurred, and it reminds me why I love him so much and how worth-it it is to keep going. And perhaps equally valuable, our story may help others have hope and insight into overcoming the challenges of long distance love.

For me, music has made a big difference in my ability to cope with the long spans of separation. A classic tune like Unchained Melody by the Righteous Brothers, which Mike and I have danced to more than once, whisks me right into his arms. Remember that tear-jerking scene in the movie Ghost? Well, it's a lot like that. Only, lucky for me, I know I will really be in Mike's arms again. In that light, I have created two stores dedicated to LDRs, love, and romance. One, The LDR Store, is primarily for books, magazines, movies, and cell phones. After all, communication is key! The other is music - Romantic Music and Love Songs, many of which speak about long distance love.

So, do yourself and perhaps the other 20 million of us a favor and share your stories, your tips and anything else that comes to mind. I look forward to hearing from you.

The Morning After

It had been less than 7 weeks since I turned 47. In all those years I had experienced the gamut of love - puppy love, first love, lust disguised as love, committed love otherwise known as marriage, and maternal love. I had come to believe that true love was a thing of fiction - a creation of authors and screenwriters. I was willing to give that maybe, perhaps, in some small fraction of humanity, there were people who believed they had met their soul mates. I was also convinced that I could and would never be one of those people. I won't say I was the world's biggest cynic but I was pretty close.

So it was certainly a personal paradigm shift to feel the way I did over the last few days. And now that Mike was gone, I felt like a part of me was missing. I had never felt anything so intense in my entire life. Having just admitted my cynicism regarding love, it may seem ironic for me to turn around and say that I love romance (One can always have hope, right? But that's a whole other topic). I also have a passion for music. I can't say I have a huge CD collection but it is respectable and eclectic. Since there was no possible way I could get Mike off of my mind and I was totally immersed in feeling the most intense love of my existence, I decided to make a CD of romantic songs. Every song I listened to seemed more appropriate than the one before. Like a baby beginning to explore the world, I listened with new ears and a new heart. There were so many songs that conveyed exactly how I was feeling. How perfect to begin with a Collin Raye song called The Walls Came Down. After all, the carefully constructed walls that had protected my heart for so long, had crumbled the instant I laid eyes on Mike at the airport. One of the most romantic CDs I have ever heard is Visions of Love by Jim Brickman. I selected several songs from that one, including Love of My Life and After All These Years. I added several cuts from CDs by Faith Hill, Tim McGraw, Celine Dion and many others. I had filled 2 CDs and decided that was enough for now.

I listened to those CDs over and over and each time I did, my eyes filled with tears. I began to wonder if Mike really felt the same way I did, or if, once home, the love would fade. This was my first long distance relationship so I didn't really know what to expect. I only knew I was in agony wondering if and when I would see Mike again.

Homecoming

I've been so caught up in telling the story of me and Mike that I have neglected a very relevant sub-story. You may recall that my original invitation to Mike was partially motivated by my daughter's Homecoming football game. This year was more exciting than ever because Darcie would be going on her first real date. I knew I would be teary-eyed (remember, I'm an emotional Italian).

Friday was Ranger day at Jesuit - a day of fun and games involving both Jesuit and Ursuline (Darcie's school) students. The school day ended early so Darcie and some of her friends, including her date, congregated at our house before the big game. Mike and I had a blast talking with them. We both felt so young again. We were sitting at the fireplace holding hands when Darcie's best friend, Amanda said, "Oh, look how cute they are. They've only been together 24 hours and they're already holding hands!" I busted out laughing. Only 24 hours! I had been waiting 30 years!

An annual Texas-style barbeque is part of the Homecoming tradition at Jesuit so Mike and I headed to the high school. I had attended 6 of these alone and I have to say, it was so much more fun with Mike by my side. After dinner, we walked to the stadium and set up our seats in my usual place near the band. As other parents trickled in they were surprised to see me with someone. I was giddy as I introduced Mike, whose hand I was still holding, by the way. There was just no wiping the happiness off my face. We explained that we were old high school buddies but the looks we got back were skeptical. I think we looked like more than buddies by this time. When Mike went to the concession stand, all the mom's said how gorgeous he was and how happy I looked.

Near the end of the third quarter we decided to stretch our legs a bit so we went for a walk. We walked along the fence through the masses of students until we reached the corner of the end zone. We stood facing each other and Mike took both my hands in his. Suddenly, we were the only two people in the world. There was no football game, there was no band, there was no mass of students anywhere near. My heart felt like it was pounding out of my chest as I gazed into Mike's eyes like a moonstruck teenager. He took my face in his hands and finally, unbelievably, he kissed me. And I felt nothing, empty, what was the big deal.

Just kidding. For the first time in my life I understood the phrase, "the earth moved". I actually trembled. I could barely keep my knees from buckling beneath me. Forget self-control. I was lost!

Travel Plans

It wasn't long before Mike and I were on the phone discussing his travel plans. He had booked the Thursday flight. I could barely believe it; after 28 years, Mike was coming back into my life. To say I was excited would be quite the understatement. My mind was racing with all the things I had to do before his arrival in less than 3 weeks - redecorate my house, get a face lift, a tummy tuck and a tan, lose 20 pounds! Well, back to reality - I could at least clean up my house and maybe, with a lot of effort, drop 2 or 3 pounds. But mostly, I needed to get a grip. I remembered the huge crush I had on Mike in high school and I wondered how I would feel seeing him again after all these years.

Paul, who by now knew that Mike and I were planning a get together, sent me pictures from the reunion. I anxiously scanned through all of them until I saw him. He was as gorgeous as I remembered. He epitomized the belief that men get more handsome and distinguished as they age. Now that I knew how little he had changed I started to fret over what he would think of me. My brain still thought I was 17 but my body belied the years. Well, no time for concern, I was getting more and more anxious to see him.

Planning a Visit

For the last 6 years I had attended my children's high school football games alone. For some reason, I would get particularly melancholy at Homecoming games so I had invited Mike for Homecoming weekend on November 4th. Just to add a bit of encouragement, I shot off an email.

Me again,

It was so wonderful to hear your voice and catch up a bit. I REALLY hope you decide to come visit, if not the weekend of the 4th then sometime very soon.

I’m tingly at the thought!

AC

I sing and dance in a Sweet Adeline's chorus that rehearses every Tuesday night. Since this was Tuesday, I had to get to rehearsal. We were preparing for International competition and I had to be at the rehearsal hall at 5:00 PM. Knowing I wouldn't get home until nearly 11:00 PM, I checked my email right before I left the house - nothing! The first thing I did on my return was check my email and I could barely contain my excitement when I found an email from Mike in my Inbox.

AC,

I'd LOVE to come see you. Believe it or not, I'm actually looking at flight options right now. When would you prefer that I come? I can either come in on Thursday around 4:15 , or on Friday at 1:20PM.

I've already cleared the trip with my kids, as long as I promise not to relocate to Dallas permanently.

Let me know your thoughts,

Mike

I responded immediately!

Well, wanting to spend as much time with you as possible, I vote for Thursday!

Have you ever been to Dallas? Don’t make any promises you might not want to keep. :>) Dallas is a great place!


My heart was racing again. Why was I so thrilled with all of this? I kept telling myself not to get too carried away.

Catching Up

We spent about an hour on the phone catching up on 27 years. Following college graduation, Mike's life had brought him across the country to Denver via Chicago. He was in only his second job since graduating. I immediately thought how stable and loyal that made him. His wife passed away 9 years ago and he had since been raising his 2 children all alone. He sounded like a very devoted father, replacing the executive track he had been on, with a sales position so he would have the time he needed to spend with his daughter and son.

I, on the other hand, was divorced nearly 6 years, raising my own son and daughter with all the inherent struggles of single parenthood. We immediately shared this common bond and the child-rearing conversation gave us insight into each others' values. I was delighted with everything I heard, as much of it matched so closely to my own.

Even our children were of similar age - we each had a child in college and a child in high school. We reminisced about our own high school days and it turned out he didn't even remember the chemistry class - only the time we had spent together having our heart-to-heart talks. He also didn't remember the summer we spent together when we were both in college. I just laughed it off and joked that I guessed my company hadn't been too impressive.

Then he asked me if I was serious about him coming to visit and I said of course.

He said, "I'm not very spontaneous but I really would like to come and see you again." We discussed possible dates and by the end of the conversation, he said he would look into it.

My mind was racing. I had barely dated in the 6 years since my divorce. Suddenly I was very excited at the thought that I might see Mike again after all these years.