The Morning After

It had been less than 7 weeks since I turned 47. In all those years I had experienced the gamut of love - puppy love, first love, lust disguised as love, committed love otherwise known as marriage, and maternal love. I had come to believe that true love was a thing of fiction - a creation of authors and screenwriters. I was willing to give that maybe, perhaps, in some small fraction of humanity, there were people who believed they had met their soul mates. I was also convinced that I could and would never be one of those people. I won't say I was the world's biggest cynic but I was pretty close.

So it was certainly a personal paradigm shift to feel the way I did over the last few days. And now that Mike was gone, I felt like a part of me was missing. I had never felt anything so intense in my entire life. Having just admitted my cynicism regarding love, it may seem ironic for me to turn around and say that I love romance (One can always have hope, right? But that's a whole other topic). I also have a passion for music. I can't say I have a huge CD collection but it is respectable and eclectic. Since there was no possible way I could get Mike off of my mind and I was totally immersed in feeling the most intense love of my existence, I decided to make a CD of romantic songs. Every song I listened to seemed more appropriate than the one before. Like a baby beginning to explore the world, I listened with new ears and a new heart. There were so many songs that conveyed exactly how I was feeling. How perfect to begin with a Collin Raye song called The Walls Came Down. After all, the carefully constructed walls that had protected my heart for so long, had crumbled the instant I laid eyes on Mike at the airport. One of the most romantic CDs I have ever heard is Visions of Love by Jim Brickman. I selected several songs from that one, including Love of My Life and After All These Years. I added several cuts from CDs by Faith Hill, Tim McGraw, Celine Dion and many others. I had filled 2 CDs and decided that was enough for now.

I listened to those CDs over and over and each time I did, my eyes filled with tears. I began to wonder if Mike really felt the same way I did, or if, once home, the love would fade. This was my first long distance relationship so I didn't really know what to expect. I only knew I was in agony wondering if and when I would see Mike again.