The Best Birthday Cake Ever

It's been very busy at my house ever since Mike got here which is why I haven't written for a few days. In my last post I was describing my traumatic visit to the jewelry store where I had to leave my engagement ring to have a missing diamond replaced. I'm happy to announce that true to their word, it was ready for me on Friday. It was very fortunate because Mike was here and was able to put it back on my finger as always.

We have had such an amazing time together. Last post I also hinted that I had a big event approaching. Well, I had a momentous birthday on Saturday. I must sound like a drama queen but this particularly birthday was kind of difficult for me - not so much because of the age, but more because I didn't expect my life to be where it is at this point. But I'm trying to focus on all the positives in my life and Mike is one of the biggest positives anyone could imagine.

He has been so incredibly sweet to me. As one of my birthday gifts, he made me a coconut cake from scratch. I LOVE coconut cake and haven't had one for longer than I can recall. It was the first scratch cake Mike had ever made and the first time a man had made a cake for me so I consider that rather significant. It is yet one more demonstration of the incredible, fairy tale love Mike and I share.

I can't begin to describe how sad I will be tomorrow when I have to take him to the airport. It seems to be getting harder to say goodbye.

A Ring Is Just A Ring - Or Is It?

So yesterday's trip to the jewelry store was more traumatic than I anticipated. It turned out when I got there that the guy I needed to see was on a conference call that was scheduled to last for another hour and a half. I couldn't wait that long so the woman helping me suggested I give her the ring and she would take it back for him to look at it. Of course, I politely refused. I wasn't taking off my ring unless it was absolutely necessary.

Jason, came out from his call, and although he tried valiantly to hide his irritation, I sensed it nonetheless. Who can blame him? I must have seemed like a truly emotional nutcase - it's just a ring after all!

As corny as this sounds, it's not just a ring to me. Mike and I had a discussion along these lines several months ago when a friend of his was offered three times the price he had paid for an engagement ring he bought through an online auction. Mike asked if I would sell my ring if someone offered me three times the amount he had paid. I said, "No way!" Playing devil's advocate he said it was just a ring that could be replaced. I quickly informed him that, indeed, it was just ring, a simple piece of jewelry... when it was in the case at the store. Once he bought it and put in on my finger - and yes, he got down on one knee - it became a symbol of our love and commitment. I can be such a romantic sometimes.

The day Mike proposed I vowed I would never take that ring off unless he was around to put it back on my finger. That may seem excessive to some people, but it has a lot of meaning for us and our long-distance relationship. It's something special that symbolizes our trust and commitment to each other despite the miles between us.

So, there I was at the jewelry store, sans Mike and I had to take off my ring. As I said, it was harder than I expected and I started to cry. Jason had gone back to his call and fortunately, I was in the hands of a woman who was very sympathetic and understanding. When I left the store, I couldn't believe how sullen I felt. My shoulders were slumped, my eyes were downcast, and I kept rubbing my naked finger. I called Mike and desperately kept swallowing the lump in my throat and blinking back the tears that were stinging my eyes.

I won't know until Friday how long it will take to fix my ring (see yesterday's post, 9/15) but I'm hoping to have it back in time for my big event on Saturday. I'll tell you about that next time!

A Missing Diamond

I had something happen yesterday that I would like to describe as a personal crisis but I really need to keep it in perspective. Especially in light of all the recent disasters that have affected so many people. But I'm sure you engaged women will be able to relate to my upsetting situation.

I have an absolutely gorgeous engagement ring. One of my little "things" is that I won't take my ring off unless Mike is around to put it back on my finger. Whenever we're together, we take it in to get it cleaned. It's insured so it also gets inspected every six months - when Mike is in town. I have developed the habit of checking it myself every day (often more than once) - mostly because I love it and it gives me a moment each day to relive the day my sweet love asked me to marry him, but also to make sure it is all intact.

Well, yesterday I went out to run some errands. I was stopped at a red light and looked at my ring and about freaked out... there was a diamond missing! I couldn't believe it. I looked again more closely and sure enough, one of the smaller diamonds on the band was gone. I was sick. I immediately called Mike.

He's such a sweetie, he called the jewelry store and called me back with the news. There are 2 scenarios neither of which I'm looking forward to because I will be without my ring no matter what. But one is definitely preferable to the other. Depending on what they find out when they actually see the ring, it will be off of my finger for anywhere from 3 days to 8 weeks! My stomach hurts just writing about it. I really can't imagine going 8 weeks with a naked finger.

Anyway, I won't know until tomorrow afternoon so I'll post after I find out the verdict. Of course I'm hoping for the 3 days. I think I can handle that, and Mike will be here to put it back on my finger.

When Stress Creeps In

I was hit in the head this past weekend. Don't worry, I'm talking figuratively here, not literally. I was reminded of something that you wouldn't think I'd forget... Remember to have fun!

Sounds kind of silly, doesn't it? The thing is, we all experience stress in our lives. Some days, or even extended periods of time can be more stressful than others. Recently, Mike and I have been a little caught up in our own personal stresses - mostly from work and getting our kids off to college. We tend to forget how stress creeps under our skin and affects our overall personality. We were talking every day as usual but the conversations were leaving me feeling as if something were missing. I began to question the direction of our relationship and if we were still connecting to each other as we had before.

Fortunately, Friday night we had a light-hearted, conversation full of joking and laughter. It was so delightful that I thanked Mike for how much fun I had.

So what's my point? Those of us in LDRs know how important it is to stay connected with our far-away love by sharing our days, good and bad, via phone conversations. However, without the warmth of a comforting embrace to ease away the stress of the day we need to work extra hard at letting go and allowing ourselves to be joyful, especially during our precious phone time. On a regular basis, we need to make a concerted effort to lock our stress in another room and just have fun with each other!

My eBook Is Nearly Done

Well, folks, I'm taking the plunge. I've been writing an eBook titled, "How to Make a Long-Distance Relationship Work" and it's almost ready for publication. I say almost because I'm a bit of a perfectionist and I keep editing it despite the experts advice that I just get it out there and begin working on a second book. I'm fairly certain that it will hit the Internet this week though. If you'd like to know when it is available, here are some options:

• Sign up in the left-hand column of this blog
• Visit www.alongdistancelove.com and sign up there (added bonus - you will receive my free report "7 Tips for Embracing the Positives of a Long-Distance Relationship")
• Send me an email at ann@alongdistancelove.com
• Follow me on Twitter at http://twitter.com/annccook (I have to confess that I don't keep this updated as often as I'd like but I'll definitely post when the eBook is published)

Even if you're not ready to purchase the eBook, please visit the website and take advantage of the free report. Also, I'd love to hear from you about your personal LDR experiences. I'm gathering information for my next book and your story could be included.

Those Great Big Beautiful Eyes

It's funny how little things can have a profound impact on us. Of course, thoughts of Mike are as much a part of me as my arms and legs. But once in a while, I am struck, even overwhelmed with missing him, by some seemingly insignificant trigger. Let me tell you what happened this morning.

I do a LOT of technical reading and am constantly trying to learn about and keep up with my industry. To temper this flood of geekdom, I enjoy reading fiction and more often than not, mysteries. I was indulging myself in that particular guilty pleasure this morning when I read a line that made me miss Mike so intensely my heart ached.

You'll laugh when you read the line that brought tears to my eyes. "He had a receding hairline, sad china-blue eyes heavily wrinkled at the corners and a trim grey moustache." You'd be especially puzzled if you knew Mike, who has an incredible head of beautiful blond hair (so incredible, that people remark about it all the time), the happiest, smiling eyes you'd ever want to see, no wrinkles around his eyes or otherwise, and no moustache. So what was it that had such an impact on me? Three little words... china-blue eyes!

When Mike and I are together, I spend vast amounts of time just staring into his amazing eyes. It's indescribable how I feel when I am lost in them but I can tell you that they never fail to melt my heart. So just seeing those words on the page made my own eyes misty.

It's times like that that make long-distance relationships such a challenge. Unfortunately, I won't be gazing into those china-blues for another week and 5 days. I'll have to settle for the two-dimensional version that sits in a frame at my bedside.

Live And Let Live

I had a discussion with Mike this morning. I had a hard time articulating what was swirling around in my head but I was upset and needed to get it out. Don't get me wrong, I was not upset with Mike or anything about our relationship. In fact, it's the way Mike and I relate to each other that gives me hope that people really can learn to get along. As you can see, I'm still having trouble articulating so let me try this again.

Here's the deal (and this is NOT a new bit of insight) - there are two (or more) sides to every story.

Here's the question - can people learn to listen to the other person's side without taking it personally?

Now that I think about it, I believe this is a topic for an article, so as soon as I can get my thoughts together in a more coherent manner, I'm going to write one. I'm just too clouded by emotion right now.

Meanwhile, please permit me to take a personal moment to say thanks to Mike. We have definitely found a formula that works. While we share a great many views on life, as with any relationship, there are things in which we don't agree. What we do so well, is accept the validity of each other's opinions and feelings. When we disagree on something, we don't take it personally. Kind of like the 60's slogan, "Live and let live."

Monthiversary

Today Mike and I celebrate 34 months of glorious love, despite the 900 miles that separate us. This may seem silly to some folks, considering how "mature" Mike and I are, (and by mature I mean old) but it works for us and it's one of the many things we do to acknowledge our love and keep it strong. We used to call it a "fill-in-the-blank" month anniversary until my son pointed out that, by definition, it could not be an anniversary. So we changed it to a monthiversary. Like I said, the corniness works for us.

All too often, relationships begin to get stale. It's so common that the phrase, "the honeymoon's over," is tossed about with light-hearted smiles. Even though the honeymoon may be over and both partners are no longer on their best behavior, it's still possible to keep the love alive and fresh. This is particularly important in a long-distance relationship where there is always the risk of out-of-sight-out-of-mind. I'm not saying you need to be as corny as Mike and I, but find what works for you and your partner and make the effort.

Meanwhile, I'm counting down the two weeks until Mike's next visit.

Another Summer Ends

I can't believe another summer has slipped away. If I haven't mentioned this before, summer is my favorite time of year. I love it for so many reasons. When my kid's were young and I was a stay-at-home mom, it was the time of fun and leisure. Washing uniforms, packing lunches, and rushing to practices and activities was replaced by fun days at the park and trips to the library for summer reading. Every summer we would travel to Florida for adventures with the grandparents and sunny days on the beach. For my taste, summer just can't be beat. Even though my kids are grown, I still love the summer and I'm always sad to see it end.

You may be wondering what this has to do with a long-distance relationship and the answer is - nothing really. It just has to do with where my head is right now as the calendar ushers in another Fall.

My personal challenge now is to change gears and appreciate all the positive things the Fall has to offer. Football season leaps to mind. In fact, today, Mike is attending the draft for his Fantasy Football team. I really wish I could be there with him but it's not to be. I'm hoping to go to Denver some time this season to help him host a Monday night game though. I'll keep you posted on that.

Enjoy your holiday today. Until next time!

Life's About Changes

There's a country song, How Can I Help You Say Goodbye,by Patty Loveless that says, "Life's about changing, nothing ever stays the same". I'm all in favor of keeping life fresh, but often, the changes leave me melancholy. This past week I left my daughter at the airport so she could return to her sophomore year of college in New York - a long way from home. My sweet Mike is about to have a similar experience this week. He's taking a road trip with his son who he will then leave behind for his freshman year of college. In fact, they're driving as I write this post.

These changes are bittersweet for both Mike and me. As I've mentioned before, we live in two worlds - one with our friends and children in different cities and the one we share with each other. The passage of time is our path to finally being together and yet, it is that same ticking clock that separates us from our children and the lives we have so comfortably lived these many years. I'm ready to make the exchange, to spend the rest of my life with Mike, but I can't help missing my "babies". We will both experience a period of the empty-nest before we can make the final transition to a life with each other. The one thing I am certain of, is that is one more of life's challenges that we will face together, supporting each other and strengthening our bond.

The Olympics and a Lesson in Restraint

Yesterday I wrote about Mike and eagerly anticipating football season and watching games together. Well, football is not the only sport we watch together. We also watch baseball, basketball and hockey.

Right now, we're watching the Olympics but instead of the 5-7 second broadcast delay we're used to, there is a one hour difference. So I see everything an hour before Mike does. Of course, he doesn't want to know the results so I have to be very careful about how I react and what I say. I have to admit I've had a few slips. So whenever Michael Phelps would swim, we'd hang up for the race and after I composed myself from the excitement, I would call him back and not say a word. We did the same thing for several of the women's swimming events and several track events as well.

It's been a real lesson in restraint for me. Perhaps it will help me think twice before blurting something out that is better left unsaid.

It's The Next Best Thing To Being There

Football season is fast approaching and although the summer is my favorite time of year, there is lots to look forward to. Mike and I love to spend Sunday afternoons and Monday nights watching football together. You may be wondering how we pull that off. Well, all I can say is thank you technology and especially thank you Sprint. We actually watch games while we're talking on our cell phones. Since we're on the same network we talk for free (and boy, do we take advantage of that!) so it's a no-cost date.

The only problem is, 99% of the time, the broadcast I see is about 5-7 seconds ahead of Mike's. It takes great restraint on my part to not react and give away the outcomes of plays he has not yet seen. But it's well worth the effort to feel like we're together. Remember that commercial long ago that said - "it's the next best thing to being there"? Well, it's true and it's definitely one of the main ways Mike and I stay connected.

Mike also participates in a Fantasy Football league so we get on Yahoo's StatTracker together and it' s a lot of fun to cheer for his team each week. But beware, it can border on addicting! Tonight he's going to meet with his league so they can pull their order for their upcoming draft. He knows I'm there in spirit and I'm pulling for him to get an early pick.

A Preponderance of Three's

Well, I've been home from Denver for three days and it feels more like three weeks. I'm having some serious Mikie withdrawals. His next scheduled visit to Dallas is not until mid-September when he's coming for my birthday - more than a month from now! I was looking at the calendar trying to figure out when I could go back to Denver but it's not looking good any time soon. Our schedules are just too crazy right now.

Adding to my anxiety is my cell phone, which is having major battery issues these days. I've had the phone for less than three years (I got it right after Mike's first visit) and I'm on the second battery. I know I shouldn't complain or be surprised considering how many hours Mike and I spend on the phone, but it's frustrating nonetheless. I also have three chargers, none of which seem to be functioning properly right now. I realize that three years is ancient for a cell phone so I guess it's time for a visit to the Sprint store.

RV or Mansion?

I can't believe it's Monday and my visit with my sweetie is coming to an end. Our time apart seems painfully long while our time together flies by. We've had a great time as always. We went to a Rockies game on Friday night which they miraculously won considering their recent poor performance. It was a family night with Mike, his daughter and her boyfriend, his son and his new sweetie and me, of course.

On Saturday we went to an RV show. It was our initial investigation into the world of RVing as we've decided to pursue that lifestyle. Our thoughts are that we will travel around this beautiful country trying to figure out where we will ultimately settle. The RVs were amazingly nice - some were downright luxurious - and I got very excited at the prospect of traveling for awhile. All I need is an Internet connection and my beloved and I'm good to go.

Then yesterday we went to a Parade of Homes. Talk about luxury and, dare I say it, over-indulgence. These homes were typically between 8500 and 9000 square feet and cost over $2.5 million. Of course, they were gorgeous but sadly, they were nearly on top of each other with very little yard and a beautiful mountain view soon to be obscured by continued development. Each home had great features but also things I didn't particularly care for. If I were going to pay $2.5 mil for a house, it better be exactly what I want and be sitting on a white, sandy beach. :-) I can dream, can't I?

Like Father Like Son

When Mike first emailed me and I invited him for a visit, I'd be lying if I didn't admit that I had hopes there would be some romance involved. After all, I had such a huge crush on him in high school. But because we lived in different states and had children to consider, I never really thought about the possibility of it turning into a full-fledged relationship. In fact, in one of his emails to me he said his children had given him permission to come visit me as long as he promised not to move to Dallas. I jokingly responded, "Never make promises you may not want to keep." (see the post Planning a Visit)

I think we were both surprised and overwhelmed by the intensity of the feelings we had from the very first moment we saw each other at the airport. Even then, I don't think we imagined what lay ahead. Although we both acknowledged the challenges we faced, we knew we had to give it a shot. I could almost hear Cupid laughing at how, once again, he coerced another couple to ignore practicality and geography. We don't chose the timing or the direction of one of his arrows, we only heed the call.

And so it is with Mike's son. Just as he's about ready to leave for college, he has been pierced by Cupid's weapon of choice. The question now, is how deeply? Although I don't want him to suffer the emotional roller coaster that's been our experience, I do hope he will become more sympathetic to the plight Mike and I share. Time (and distance) will tell.

Can Long-Distance Relationships Work?

Long-distance relationships have been going on probably as long as humans have walked the earth. And yet, we still ask the question - can they work? The short answer is... YES! Obviously they can and do work. Nobody said they are easy.

Since I've begun writing about LDRs, I've heard lots of stories. It seems nearly everyone has had some kind of LDR in their life. Often it's the high school sweethearts who venture off to different colleges. And let's not forget all our wonderful folks in the military. Talk about a challenging separation.

I was at a friend's birthday party last weekend and I spoke to a woman who had an LDR for many years. It eventually resulted in a marriage that is now in it's 26th year. She and her then boyfriend, now husband were in the military. Their story is a happily ever after.

I can honestly say I am not a fan of long-distance relationships, but the truth is, the love of my life lives 900 miles away and I will do whatever it takes to keep him in my life. And if I'm truly honest with myself, I would have to admit that in some ways, the distance has helped us build our relationship in ways that we would not have done otherwise. We know we are completely committed to one another because it takes one heck of a commitment to maintain a long-distance relationship. We know that what we have is true love and not infatuation or lust because lust can not be satisfied across the miles.

So despite the difficulties and the lonely nights spent apart, if Mike and I are any indication, you can indeed, have a very successful long-distance relationship. And it's definitely worth it.

New Directions

So, Mike has come and gone and the visit was WONDERFUL although it zoomed by. We both agreed it went the fastest of any visit to date. Fortunately, I am going to see him this Wednesday. He invited me out to Denver to see the Mile High Nationals (drag racing) so, of course, I'm getting excited.

I'm also excited about some other news in my life. I've written about this in one of my other blogs - In The Stretch Zone, but I'd like to share it here as well. In an effort to launch a freelance writing career, I have taken what was for me a giant leap. I posted a relationship article on ezinearticles.com called Keeping Score in Your Relationship. If you have arrived at this blog via that article, welcome. If you are a regular reader, I'd love for you to check out my article and let me know what you think. Of course, my main focus is on long-distance relationships but at their core, relationships of any kind have many things in common so I find myself writing general articles. I hope you find them helpful.

I am also working on an eBook titled How to Make Your Long-Distance Relationship Work. So please look for that in the near future. If you would like to get on my email list for relationship tips, you can sign up at A Long Distance Love.

More to come...

Time for a Visit

Things are pretty much back to normal for me and Mike. We've still managed to talk to each other every day. In fact, we haven't missed a day since November 2nd, 2005. The great news is he is coming for a visit on Thursday. The last few times we've been together we've had some big commitments - like my chorus' regional competition and his son's high school graduation. Consequently, we didn't get to spend much lovey-dovey, stare-into-each-other's-eyes time. I'm really looking forward to some snuggling with my honey.

Unfortunately, I haven't been able to do much writing over the last week so I'm behind. That's nothing new though, is it? Not much else to share right now but I'll let you know how Mike's visit goes.

Life's Little Ironies

OK, here's some real irony. Ever since Mike and I got together, we have spoken every day. In fact we typically speak several times a day. He has a long commute and does outside sales so we usually talk on his drive to and from work and sometimes during his drive in between sales calls. Then we talk at night before he goes to bed. I keep odd hours and work from home, so to date, it hasn't been a problem to take the time to talk.


Now things have changed a bit and we're finding difficulty adjusting to the new dynamic. I have decided to make a major career change and I'm going to devote my time to writing. As I mentioned in the last post, I'm writing an eBook titled "How to Make a Long-Distance Relationship Work". I'm spending a LOT of time writing and setting up a website to sell the book so my talk time has become limited. Can you see the glaring irony? The time I'm spending writing the book is putting a huge strain on my long-distance relationship.


I know we'll work this out. We always find a way to work through our issues. But in the meantime, I'm feeling quite a bit out-of-sorts. I've never smoked or taken drugs and I don't drink much alcohol so I've never had an addiction to a substance. I think I've come close with caffeine from drinking Diet Pepsi but I'm not sure that counts. At any rate, I can't say I know what withdrawal feels like but I'm imagining it feels something like this. And I don't like it.


I couldn't explain it well to Mike so I doubt I can do much better here. I just had to get it out.

I'm Back

Well, it's been quite a while since I've posted anything to this blog. Just like my attempts to keep a journal, I am finding it a challenge to write as often as I'd like. But I'm going to re-commit myself to this project - perhaps in a different direction than I originally intended. I'm currently writing an eBook about how to make a long-distance relationship work and I would love to get some input. Please share your stories and ideas on how you make your LDR work.

Meanwhile, I'm counting the days (14) until my next visit with Mike.