Distance, Death, and Depression

Love and particularly long-distance love had me looking at life through a different lens. Time, especially, took on a whole new meaning. Death is never easy and the Lord knows I have experienced my share over my many years. But when the news came that the mother of one of Darcie's friends had died, it hit me very hard. She had been diagnosed with cancer in January yet it was inconceivable that she lost her battle within 10 short months. At the risk of being cliché, I was overcome with the reminder that we have no guarantees. It made being apart from Mike even more difficult. I began to resent the days that were passing while 892 miles separated us.

I had vowed to myself that I would always be upbeat during my phone conversations with Mike. Who wants to talk to someone who's depressed? It was a vow that I was finding difficult to maintain. I should probably mention that I was in the throes of menopause (and still am BTW) with ALL the inherent symptoms - the worst of which, for me, at least, was depression. Tears would suddenly erupt from my eyes and I was overwhelmed with an inexplicable melancholy that couldn't be shaken. This had been going on for over a year and a half and was getting progressively more intense. Although my vow to be upbeat was practically a newborn (less than a month old at this point in the relationship) the hormonal demon made it impossible to follow through.

Our conversations over the next few days took a downhill turn and I found it difficult to sort through the tangle of emotions I was feeling. Don't get me wrong, there were no cruel words exchanged. There was no anger. Our love was in tact and unscathed. But the enormity of the challenges we were facing with a long-term, long-distance relationship were beginning to hit home. I felt like I had become a piece of paper jammed in a shredder - part of me whole and strong from my new-found love, another part of me shredded to bits in the bottom of the bin. After all, I had not even dealt with the day-to-day struggles of a normal relationship for a very long time. This one had the additional elements of distance, children and that dreaded menopause.

I truly didn't know how I was going to make it until Mike's next visit, which was still nearly two weeks away. He managed to always say the right things to keep me going and so we plodded on.

Racking Up the Minutes

Each day we exchanged emails and each night we talked, always with me calling Mike after 9:00 PM. With each communication I was bursting with love, and the concerns of meeting his children faded into the background. It became apparent that waiting for free cell time was not going to work long-term. As it happened, our cell phone contracts were ending at about the same time so we decided to get on a plan that would allow us to talk anytime for free.

Mike lives in the foothills just east of the Rockies so not every service worked at his house. We decided to see if he could get Sprint service there since that's what I already had. As a bonus, his daughter's boyfriend had Sprint and they would be able to talk for free as well. It took a couple of days but the decision was made. I bought a new cell phone and renewed my contract and Mike signed on as a new customer. If Sprint ever quits allowing people within the Sprint network to talk for free, we just might be to blame. Now Mike could call me during his morning and afternoon drive time. And that's exactly what he did. We talked in the morning, we talked in the afternoon, and we talked at night. We talked for hours on the weekends. We even watched football games together over the phone. It wasn't long before we were talking over 3000 minutes a month. We never seemed to tire of talking to each other and we never ran out of things to talk about. Thanks to this wonderful technological age, we were able to breach the distance and get to know each other in great detail.

Long Distance Concerns

While continuing the countdown, we talked daily, after eagerly awaiting the 9:00 PM Central strike of the clock. In a conversation on November 11th, Mike told me his kids were eager to meet me. They recognized that our relationship had become very serious in a short period of time. We also discussed how difficult it was going to be to be apart for the holidays. So while on the phone, we got on Travelocity and made the decision for me to visit Denver right after Christmas. We booked a flight for December 27th. Unfortunately, I had to return to Dallas on December 31st so we wouldn't get to spend New Year's Eve together. But again, I was grateful for whatever time we could steal. No sooner were the arrangements made than I began to fret over what his kids would think of me.

Having been divorced with no intentions of EVER remarrying, I hadn't given much thought to "blended families". Now, suddenly, I was worrying about how Mike's kids would feel about a woman in their father's life. So much of Mike's and my circumstances were similar but in this regard the difference was noteworthy. I had made a conscious choice to end my marriage. It was a decision my children had come to understand and appreciate over the years. They still had a father and were able to maintain a relationship with him despite not having typical visitation arrangements. Mike's children, on the other hand, had their mother ripped from their lives suddenly and unexpectedly. Mike had had a fairly serious relationship several years ago so I knew it wasn't really new territory for them. My greatest concern, and as it turned out, rightfully so, was the issue of long distance. This wasn't just a long distance relationship for me and Mike, it was a long distance relationship for our children as well.

By this time, Mike and I were pledging our undying and eternal love for each other. We were already discussing our commitment to spend the rest of our lives together for we believed truly and deeply that this was our destiny. We considered ourselves fortunate that our children were older and could appreciate our love. How naive we were. Almost immediately, Mike's children began to express their concerns that I lived in Dallas. Mike and I continued on with the belief that love would conquer all. His comment was full of conviction. "It will all work out. It's meant to be."

Would He Change His Mind?

After spending the day listening to love songs, smiling, crying and aching for Mike's presence, I decided to call Paul and fill him in on the weekend. He was not the least bit surprised to hear that I was madly in love. Paul is a man of few words yet strong convictions. Unbeknownst to me, he had been campaigning on my behalf for years. He said he had known all along, since those college days in fact, that Mike and I belonged together. He decided to take advantage of their extended time together at the reunion to revisit and really press the issue. I couldn't thank him enough for his persistence. Mike and I had agreed over the weekend that we really owed Paul.

But now on the phone, my insecurities were poking me in the ribs. "Do you think Mike feels the same way I do?" I asked. "I mean, the weekend was incredible, but maybe he's changed his mind. After all, the long distance thing is crazy. Isn't it?"

Paul just chuckled. "I've already spoken to Mike and he sounds exactly like you - madly in love, yet fearful that you don't feel the same way. You two are a case."

"It's just so hard to believe. It seems unreal. Me... in love... and with Mike of all people. Who'da ever thought?"

When we hung up, I was reassured that all was well.

Over the next several days, Mike and I wrote emails and spoke on the phone and by Wednesday he had booked his next trip to Dallas. He would return on December 8th. I began counting the hours - literally!

Getting Closer

The days went by and Mike and I continued to email each other. We had several nice phone conversations as well. As November 3rd approached, my excitement level increased to such a degree that I swear, I really was a giddy little school girl once again. Although I kept telling myself not to have expectations, I hate to admit that I was fantasizing about the possiblities. Then I reminded myself that he lived in Denver and I lived in Dallas. There was no way either one of us was interested in a long distance relationship. Well, at least I could have a nice long fantasy weekend, pretending that I was actually dating someone. After all, I hadn't really dated since my divorce 6 years earlier. In fact, I was resigned to spending the rest of my years as a single woman and that was just fine with me. Love was highly over-rated and romanticized. In my opinion, there was really no such thing as love anyway, at least not in the sense of a man and a woman. That thing we so eagerly called love was just a need to have another person make us feel good about ourselves.

My emotional whiplash was exhausting so I finally decided to just be casual and let whatever would happen, happen. You'll laugh when you hear how it actually turned out. Talk about naive!

I Can't Believe You Called

After I hit Send on my reply email, I went into the kitchen to prepare dinner for my daughter and myself. Only about 10 minutes had passed when my phone rang. I answered it without checking the caller ID and was stunned to hear the voice of my old friend.

Let me pause the story to give a little background info. Mike and I had attended the same high school in Florida and although he was a year ahead of me - I was a junior and he, a senior - we met in Chemistry class. Since both of us were conscientious students we agreed to study together. He would come to my house and we would study in the living room, taking occasional breaks to have heart-to-heart chats. I had a boyfriend at another high school and Mike had a girlfriend who was in college. Mike was the traditional BMOC - gorgeous, smart, star athlete. And talk about chemistry! Of course I had a huge crush on him, despite my having a boyfriend, but it was the 70's and "good girls" didn't initiate anything in those days, so all I could do was smile and try to be charming. I assumed I didn't stand a chance anyway, so I settled for a good, solid friendship (all the while, smiling and being charming - it couldn't hurt, could it?). Meanwhile, Mike's best friend Paul was dating one of my close friends so Paul and I became fast friends as well.

At the risk of causing whiplash from traveling so quickly through time, I am switching back from 1974 to 2005. Yes, eventually I will catch up to the actual present but I am new to this blog thing and figured a general timeline, albeit disjointed, would be helpful.

October 2005 - A smile immediately spread across my face as I recognized Mike's deep, sexy voice. Even after all these years, it was unmistakable. I was bubbling with excitement. "Oh, my gosh. It's so great to hear from you. How long's it been - like 27 years or something? I can't believe you actually called me."

And So Began My Long Distance Love

It's been a little over a year now since that evening in October of 2005 when I opened my email to find the following:

Hey Stranger,

This is a blast from the past. Paul and I had a great time at our reunion, and when I requested that the DJ play "Feelings" by Barry Manilow in honor of Paul, my thoughts fell back to you.

We were reminiscing about what a special friend you were to both of us, and so I thought I'd send you a note. I know Paul has already insisted that he be your date to your 30th reunion next year, so I know that I'm out of the running for that.

But I hope you're doing well. I've thought of you often through the years, and wish only the best for you.

Would love to hear from you.

Take care,
Mike


Despite the rapid beating of my heart and the excitement that flowed through me like electric current through a wire, I quickly tapped out a reply.

Hi Mike,

So great to hear from you. You can’t imagine how much I wanted to go to your reunion. I would LOVE to see you!

My son just got his first apartment at school and it makes me think of my own apartment way back when. Do you remember the fun we used to have there? I miss those days.

Why don’t you come to Dallas to see me? The weather is just starting to cool off so it’s not unbearably hot. We could go to the high school football game – my daughter’s in the band. It could be great fun!!!!!!

Call me. 972.555.7426 home; 214.555.8763 cell.

Miss ya,
AC

P.S. you’re never out of the running. ;>)

Little did I know that I was about to embark on the adventure of a lifetime!