Thanksgiving

Before long it was Thanksgiving Day, our first holiday together as well as our first holiday apart. I had gotten a new cell phone the night before. It was charged and ready and I was anxious to try it out. I came home from church to find a beautiful email from Mike expressing his thanks that God had brought us together. I replied in kind and followed up with a phone call on my new phone. It was harder than I expected not to spend the day with Mike. He was hosting dinner at his house and preparing all the food as well. I was so impressed that he was cooking the entire Thanksgiving dinner while I, on the other hand, was dining out with my sister and her family. Although I used to prepare a huge annual feast for 12+ people, those days had ended with my divorce. Mike and I agreed that we would spend the next Thanksgiving together if at all possible.

Later that night I transferred phone numbers into my new phone. When I got to Mike's name, I had to smile. I added a heart icon, the ringtone Missing You and put him in speed dial #2. He would have been #1 but it was reserved for voice mail. I suffered the slightest pangs of guilt when I put his home number into speed dial #3 thus bumping my children to the 4 and 5 positions. Being Catholic, guilt is a familiar emotion but even after 48 years, it still gives me pause and forces me to examine the cause. This may seem kind of strange (then again, I've often been told I am, indeed, strange) but the simple act of putting Mike in the first 2 spots in my speed dial told me that I was truly ready to move on with my life. It did not imply that my children were losing their place as my number one priority. It just meant that the time had come to begin letting go of motherhood and to start planting the seeds for my own growth. I know, I know, once a mother always a mother. But the child-rearing phase was in its final stages. As soon as Darcie left for college, my options would be wide open. The thought was both exhilarating and frightening.