How My Hobby Helps My Long-Distance Relationship

I sing in an International champion Sweet Adelines Chorus - The RichTones, here in Dallas. For those of you unfamiliar with the genre, it's female barbershop. You can learn more about it here - Sweet Adelines International. We are once again preparing for International competition that takes place October 20-24, 2009 in Nashville, TN and we are seeking our 5th gold medal!

There are several reasons why this is significant but I'm only going to touch on one today. One of the categories on which we're judged is Expression... how well we're expressing the meaning of the music we're singing. Believe it or not, there are many people out there who sing well technically but can't seem to portray the emotion of the lyrics. I don't really have a problem here, in large part due to my long-distance relationship.

Bear with me a moment while I give you a brief primer on barbershop contest music. There are two types of contest pieces - ballads and uptunes. You can probably guess that uptunes are fast-paced, happy, peppy numbers. Ballads, on the other hand, are by definition, slow songs that tell a story, most often a love story.

And here's where my LDR comes into play. One of our contest pieces opens with the words, "Though you're far away, you're always in my heart." As you can imagine, these words hit very close to home for me. In fact, the whole time I'm singing this song, I'm thinking about Mike and the emotion pours out of me. Later lyrics talk about how my heart beats each time we meet. At that point I think about how I feel when I'm at the airport waiting to see my sweet love's face once again.

The amazing thing is, by the end of rehearsal I feel closer to Mike and more in love than ever.

There's a point to all this and a helpful tip. A great way to stay connected and close to your faraway love is to keep the loving feelings at the forefront of your mind. If you're upset or discouraged with your sweetie or the relationship, do something that reminds you of the loving times you've had together. Even if you're not a singer, just listening to a love song while looking at a picture of your love can be enough. Try it, you will be pleasantly surprised how well it works.

A Long-Distance Love Story

I'm always searching the Internet for stories that inspire and remind me that long-distance relationships can and do succeed. I do this not so much for myself - I'm secure in the knowledge that my LDR works and will continue to do so. I do it for those who waver in the decision whether to begin one or stay in one.

The link below is a sweet long-distance love story that should encourage us all. I'm wishing the very best for Kathleen and her love.

my teacups in peony: it's a love story: kathleen

The Maroon - Long-distance relationships can be worthwhile

The Maroon - Long-distance relationships can be worthwhile

This is a well-written post by a young woman in a successful long-distance relationship. As she so aptly points out, LDRs can be very rewarding if we allow them to be. It's just a matter of accentuating the positive and down-playing the negative.

For some tips on finding the positive aspects of a long-distance relationship, visit http://www.alongdistancelove.com/ and sign up for the free report.

Couple Who Wrote Letters During WWII Celebrate 60th Anniversary | The Frisky

Couple Who Wrote Letters During WWII Celebrate 60th Anniversary The Frisky

Ok, I go months without writing and then write two posts in one day. I had already written my post when I came across this article and couldn't resist sharing it. Besides, it kind of shares today's theme of separation.

Although long-distance relationships are admittedly tough, we are so blessed to live in the technological age of communication that we do. I came home the other night to find my daughter and one of her friends on a laptop using Skype to talk to their friend who is studying for a semester in Australia. The lag time was an annoyance (about 5 seconds) but they could see each other while they talked - and it's free!

How many of us could have survived the challenges faced by Pat and Geoff Bunyan in this article? My hat is off to them and I wish them many more happy years together.

Separations

Another summer has slipped by and as always, I hate to see it nearing an end. Summer has always been my favorite time of year. Yes, I know it's hot, but when my kids were in school, it was the only time of year that we could relax and spend truly leisure time together. There were no uniforms to wash, no homework to get done, no scheduled activities like basketball games, scouts, band practice. Don't get me wrong, I loved all the activities my kids participated in, but I also enjoyed the downtime of summer.

And now, the end of summer marks an even more profound time as my daughter prepares to return to New York for her junior year of college. I have so enjoyed our time together and I will miss her terribly. You'd think by now, I would be used to the separations from those I love so dearly. And although it is a tiny bit easier than it used to be, the sadness envelopes me nonetheless.

One consolation, Mike will be coming to visit on August 26th. He's staying nearly a week this time so I will wrap myself in his arms for comfort. Then, alone again.

At least the next 2 months will be incredibly busy as my chorus prepares for International competition in Nashville in October. Mike will be there too. It's so amazing to have a supportive partner.

I know many of you are in the process of sending your kids off to school, some for the first time, be it first grade or freshman year of college. Some of you are becoming empty nesters. As someone who has been doing this long-distance thing as both a parent and a partner, take my advice, stay busy and surround yourself with friends. And start counting the days until Thanksgiving!

Jewzel and Dwayne - JamaicaObserver.com

Jewzel and Dwayne - JamaicaObserver.com

This is such a sweet story. It demonstrates the power of true love even though many years and many miles may come between.

Jewzel says of their long distance relationship, "I would never tell anybody that it is easy, but if you pray and ask God to help you go through, then you will manage. I mean there are going to be times when you are actually going to be fed up, but if you press on and if you actually believe and know that you love the person, you will put in all that you can," she said."

Remembering Our Veterans

This is not just any Saturday. There are several things about this day that make it different from most. For instance, today is my little baby girl's birthday. You mom's know how it is, she'll always be my baby even though today, she turns 20!

And today, this weekend actually, Mike is golfing in a tournament. I'm so glad he 's getting some time to relax and have some fun. But it's strange not being able to talk to him. And when the Nuggets play the Lakers tonight, we won't be watching the game together.

But mostly what makes this day stand out, is the meaning of this weekend. This is a weekend to remember and give thanks to our veterans - the brave men and women who fight for us and our way of life. Those of us in long-distance relationships know the heartache of being separated from the one we love. I can't imagine the anguish of having my love in the military. Whenever I start feeling sorry for myself because Mike and I aren't together, I'll remember how blessed and fortunate I am that I get to see him, hold him, smell him, and wrap myself in his arms once a month.

To all you veterans - THANK YOU, bless you, and to our current troops, may God bring you safely home.

When Your Long-Distance Love Is Ill

I find myself in a sad yet very familiar state of mind. My poor Mike, who rarely gets sick, has a bad cold. In fact, I think he got it from me during my recent visit, except I don't have it nearly as bad as he does.

One of my constant struggles in this long-distance relationship world is wanting to be wherever I'm not. I've talked about this before - when I'm in Dallas, I want to be in Denver and when I'm in Denver, I'm thinking of all the things I should be doing in Dallas (not the whole time, of course, just when Mike is at work and I'm alone at his house). But while my sweet love is not feeling well, all I want to do is rush to his side and take care of him.

I want so much to be there to comfort him, to make sure he gets plenty of liquids and plenty of uninterrupted rest. I want to fluff his pillows and rub his neck. I know this sounds a little corny but it's especially hard to be apart when the one I love is hurting.

To make matters worse, Mike can't talk without serious coughing and completely losing his voice. So our conversations have been kept very short, with me doing most of the talking, rambling actually.

There's a feeling of helplessness, a slight guilt, that stays with me, even after the brief conversations end. We should be together! It's times like these that I have to work at not being sad. I remind myself how lucky we are to have one another, even if we aren't in the same place. Just knowing how much I want to be there for him is a reminder of the depth of our love. So I make an entry in my grateful journal - I'm grateful to have a love that touches me deep in my soul. I know I am truly blessed.

More of Life's Milestones

In yesterday's post I mentioned that Mike's daughter graduated from college over the weekend. That in itself, is a major life event. But it was not to be the only momentous event last week.

Soon after I arrived on Wednesday, Mike received a phone call from his daughter's long-time boyfriend requesting that Mike meet him after work. Of course, Mike was hesitant since I had just arrived but it sounded important so he agreed. Can you guess what he wanted? He was requesting permission to propose.

Two days later, Mike's daughter came home from her last final exam to find the stairway filled with long-stem roses, rose petals, and candles. Their favorite song was playing softly in the background. And at the top of the stairs was her sweet love, on bended knee, with a gorgeous ring. Being a very close-knit family, we were invited to witness and share in this touching and romantic moment. Of course I cried. It was all so sweet, ending with a champaign toast.

So now we begin planning a wedding, ironically, not our own.

Time Marches On

I recently returned from another trip to Denver. This time, it was to attend Mike's daughter's college graduation. I never cease marveling over the march of time. Yes, Mike and I acknowledge monthiverseries. We recognize that another birthday, Christmas, Thanksgiving, etc. has come and gone and we are still living in different states. It's not like we don't realize that time is passing. But at our ages, the majority of our momentous events are lived through our children.

Mike's daughter was a freshman in college when we first got together, so sitting at her graduation was a not so gentle reminder that the years are slipping by. My own daughter is now half-way through her undergraduate work. In fact, she turns 20 on Saturday! I will no longer have teenage children. That may not seem like a big deal but I truly don't feel old enough to have children in their 20s. It seems I was just that old myself.

But there is a positive side to this as well. The relentless passage of time shows me that I've come a long way in managing the emotions of a long-distance relationship. Emotions that I thought would overwhelm me in the beginning. And despite the challenges, or perhaps because of them, our love is still strong.

How I Found Mr. Absolutely Right

How I Found Mr. Absolutely Right. I read this post today and loved the story. Cindy Parksley wrote with heart and humor about her long-distance relationship. It's always encouraging to hear from others who are making their LDR work.

Embrace The Quality Time

I had a conversation with a friend last Sunday. She's divorced and has 2 young daughters. She's dating a man who is also divorced with 2 young daughters. We were discussing our relationships and all the challenges we face and ironically, she reminded me of one of the major benefits of being in a long-distance relationship.

She and her SO actually work together and see each other nearly every day. At first glance, I would be extremely envious of that. But then she said that despite that, they never really have any time together. Their lives are a balancing act of children, work, ex's...

For Mike and I, our time together is almost exclusively devoted to each other. Yes, we often have obligations that require our time, but for the most part, we participate together. Even when he comes for one of my shows and I'm busy for most of the day, we have dinner together and I know he's in the audience which lifts my performance to a higher level.

So actually, the four or five days a month that Mike and I spend together offer us more time than a lot of people have in proximal relationships. I'm guessing if you took a good look at your own LDR you would find the same thing is true.

So embrace your time together and be sure to make every moment count!

For more helpful tips, be sure to sign up for my free mini eBook 7 Tips for Embracing the Positives of a Long-Distance Relationship at alongdistancelove.com.

Another Milestone

Yesterday was another milestone in The LDR Adventure of Mike and Ann. It was our 3.5 year mark. I find that so incredible. Not the fact that we've lasted three and a half years together, just that that much time has passed since we hopped on this crazy ride.

I remember when we first began this relationship, I thought my heart would break every time we had to part. I counted the weeks, days, and minutes until our next visit. I truly didn't know how long I could go on feeling that way.

I'm happy to say, that the separations have become easier to deal with. You might be thinking that it's because our love is fading. Not true! Our love is as strong and deep as ever. I would even say it's stronger than it was in the beginning because of all we have had to face to make this thing work. And that's the same reason that it's gotten easier to tolerate. We know without question that we are there for each other and we have the confidence that we can deal with anything that comes our way. And trust me, there have been BIG hurdles tossed in our path.

We still speak with each other every day and we still appreciate each other. We still treat each other with respect. We still want more for each other than we do for ourselves. These are some of the keys to a successful long-distance relationship (and any relationship, for that matter).

So for those of you who may be just starting out, take heart. I know how much it can ache to be apart. But remember, each passing day brings you closer together and it really does get easier.

Speed Bumps And Pitfalls

I know it's been a LONG time since I've posted. Like so many people, the economy has reached deeply into my life and I have had to spend the majority of my time figuring out how to survive.

Besides, I find myself in the difficult position that so many writers share. The most poignant things I want to write about are also the most personal and involve others than me alone. I once read a book about the greatest challenge to writers being the fear of offending their loved ones. I have to admit, that fear is my greatest obstacle. And when you throw in the ubiquitous and eternal nature of the Internet, my trepidation increases exponentially. However, I also have a strong desire to help my fellow travelers navigate the journey of a long-distance relationship. So I will continue to search for a happy compromise.

That said, here's an update on my LDR front. Mike and I just celebrated 40 months together! We've recently had some major speed bumps but I'm happy to say, our chasis stayed intact. We have both been faced with some of life's biggest stressors. I know we're not alone or unique but that knowledge doesn't lighten the load.

I could go into all the issues of late but I'll stick to just one for this post. As I've written before, Mike's son is in his freshman year of college out of state. His daughter, who is a senior in college, moved out of the house in January. She even took the cats (good news for my allergies). Now Mike finds himself in a true empty nest - at least until summer. It's been a period of transition and learning for him. We talk on the phone - he's alone in his house, I'm alone in my mine - and we wonder why the heck we're not together. Of course, we both know the answers as they have not changed, but still, it seems unfair. I know he would like nothing better than for me to pack up and move to Denver. I, of course, wish he would pack up and move to Dallas. As the months, and yes, years of our LDR go by, the time for a decision is fast approaching. Neither one of us wants to continue apart indefinitely.

The thing I want to share with all of you is how wonderful Mike has been by not pressuring me. Neither have I pressured him. This is not just a potential pitfall but could turn into a relationship killer if you're not careful. It's easy to say, "If you loved me you'd..." but when it comes to turning one's life upside down, nothing is easy. Try to remember that it is not a reflection of the depth of love and committment. Be understanding and patient and your relationship will remain strong.

Valentine's Day Gift Idea

So the holiday for lover's is less than a week away and I'm sure for many, it is bittersweet. I am so very fortunate this year because Mike is coming to spend Valentine's Day with me. It's fortunate that it falls on a Saturday this year. It should give more long-distance lovers a chance to be together.

If by some sad circumstance you will not get to be with the one you love, I've found a gift that is romantic and sweet and can be personalized just for you - Personalized Message in a Bottle. This same site that I stumbled upon has lots of wonderful and romantic gifts so browse it and I'm sure you'll find the perfect expression of your love. I would have shared it sooner but I just found it myself. I know the days are short but it's not too late to order in time for Valentine's Day if you hurry.

My wish for all of you is that you get to be together for a day of love, romance and the sheer (and rare) pleasure of each other's company. I'd love to hear from you about your plans. Please fill out the survey on the left and leave a comment as well.

Long-Distance Forever?

Sometimes it seems like my long-distance relationship will remain long-distance forever. And sometimes that doesn't seem like such a bad idea. I've been on my own for so long now that I sometimes wonder if Mike and I can really forge a life together. There are so many sacrifices to be made that it frightens me to even consider stepping off that ledge.

And then I think about how incredible it feels to be in his arms. And how much I love to hear him laugh. And how long I can just gaze into his beautiful eyes. And I realize that somehow, we will have to find a way.

I'm inspired by a woman in my chorus who truly put it all on the line. Like the rest of us, she fell in love with someone geographically undesireable. She bravely and boldy packed up her life and moved to Mexico to be with him. I admire her spirit and hope that when the time is right, I can make the transition with as much gusto as she did.

Left Behind

The holidays, family issues, and illness have taken their toll on me to start the new year so I haven't had a chance to write lately.

For the past three years, I have accompanied Mike to his annual sales meeting at various locations in the U.S. We've been to Hilton Head, Austin, and Orlando. We've always extended the stay over the weekend to enjoy a little getaway. Unfortunately, this past year his company was sold and the new ownership does not permit spouses or significant others to be part of the event. I don't know if this has always been their policy or if it's a sign of the troubled economic times, but it's sad either way. There is an awards dinner at the end of the 3-day event to honor those who have performed to a higher standard and Mike has consistently been a top performer. It's so much more meaningful to have our loved ones share in those moments and it has always been the highlight of the week. This year, there will be no family or friends to cheer the winners... just co-workers.

All of this is to say, Mike is away right now and I'm not with him. They even extended the event an extra day so this year, with travel, he'll be occupied for 5 days. He's incredibly busy and has to share a room with a co-worker so our talk time is VERY limited - maybe 10 minutes a day. Since we normally talk during Mike's commute (one hour each way), I'm definitely suffering from withdrawal.

It may seem odd to talk about Mike being away when in truth, he's always "away". But somehow, this is different. At least when he's in Denver, I can picture him in his car, his home, his office. I've been to all those places so I feel a part of them. But now he's somewhere I can't visualize and it makes him seem a little farther away.

I've decided to spend the extra time working and trying to catch up after the holidays. Writing about Mike keeps him in my mind and helps me stay connected. I'll sure be glad when he gets back home.